Working dogs spend most of their days discussing how lazy and entitled non-working dogs are, it has emerged. 

Dogs with jobs in farming, care work or the police believe the way unemployed dogs get housed and fed for free is ‘an absolute joke’ that is ‘ruining this country’.

Tom Booker, a springer spaniel employed by HM Customs, said: “Basket, Bonio, spending half the day up on the sofa. It’s got to the point we’re only working to pay for their Cesar pouches. Makes you fucking sick.

“I don’t know why I bother putting in long days sniffing shipping containers when they get it all for free. Too much pride in myself, that’s my problem.”

Guide dog Roy Hobbs said: “And half of them are foreign. You can’t walk down the street without some bloody Chinese Crested trotting past like they own the place.

“Bring back national service, see how these fancy fucking Bichon Frise handle that. And if they can’t, send ‘em back where they came from.

“No not you Gerry, we’ve always had German Shepherds in this country. I mean the proper foreign dogs.”